[a1h]

I am an open fellow, just need to have a bit of a talk.

Well if anyone has had better day then well come listen to my below average one.

So my partner tells me "we need to have a talk" now i was thinking its just one of these money issues again, so no problems, then she tells me shes leaving me for another man, because he has money and works out and all that bullshit. My mate and i had suspected she has been cheating on me for months now. So of course i am pissed off, how can someone just throw away 5 years of a relationship, and what the tell am i suppose to tell my two year old son when he gets older?

But the kicker is, i am not meant to have a right for being pissed off because we apparently have been living a lie, and its also all my fault, bullshit,

Yeah its all my fault for carrying her ass for the last five years spending all my money while she doesn't work, while she doesn't even clean the house, and rarely cooks tea that i wouldnt even call tea.

[Demigan]

Bad things happen all the time, it's just that when something really bad happens, you suddenly notice all of them even more.

But there is always a solution: Coca Cola Zero Sugar
You'll Manage!

Hope that cheers you up.

[Jointn00b]

you tell your son the truth, that might sound hard but lying to him won't do you or him any good. And cheer up. losing your girlfriend isn't the worst thing that could happen to you be happy that you're alive and healthy and that you have a son!

And yes, you actually do have the right to be pissed off. i'd be really pissed off, especially if she throws it all away like that!

anyways, try to look at the bright side, not the bad side. the bad side will only tear you down, and believe me that you don't want to go there

[[NE]Firestorm]

as i previously said... shit happens

[[NE]Fobby[GEN]]

Make her jealous

[DXR_13KE]

carpe diem

edit: get your revenge by living a good life

[a1h]

Thanks guys, I guess your all right, shit happens i guess, we just got to live with it.

Making her jealous sounds like a good idea fobby but i don't think i could do that on purpose.

[MightyBOB]

Even after what she has now done you couldn't do it on purpose?

[a000clown]

Trying to purposely make her jealous or any other "revenge" just means you're not over her, and the healthiest thing to do is just try to live life and move on in my opinion. Besides, she's still the mother of your son (I'm assuming) so it would only complicate things further to escalate the matter.

[a1h]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (a000clown @ Mar 24 2009, 04:52 AM) [url=index.php?act=findpost&pid=18323]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/url]</div>

Trying to purposely make her jealous or any other "revenge" just means you're not over her, and the healthiest thing to do is just try to live life and move on in my opinion. Besides, she's still the mother of your son (I'm assuming) so it would only complicate things further to escalate the matter.[/b]

I agree with you, and though i do wish this was not happening, i don't want to go as low as a revenge style because that's not the person i want to be in life, and doesn't set a good example.
But this doesn't mean that my friends have been giving her an easy time, i am not responsible for what they do.

[Demigan]

Let's give you some positive points to think about:
- Since you experienced that your girlfriend didn't really do anything for you, both you and your son aren't dependent of her. You can manage it!
- You still have your son. It would have been a nightmare for real if she had been able to take him with her!
- Your son will have a bit of a different life then other children because his parents are living seperate. But just because it's not a good thing that's happening in his life, doesn't mean it's going to ruin it. Everyone will eventually encounter such bad things. And I would rather have my children learn what they are and how to cope with them when they are young instead of when they are in the middle of their lives. Children are much more adaptive.

[CrazyAndy]

This may not help you at all but this is all I got

1. Do not think what you could have done or not done. Do not think how everything could be different by choosing different paths because simple fact is that anyone would have done everything exactly the same way under the same circumstances.

2. Do never start thinking there's people better than you. That's simply unnecessary as there is and will be always somebody better and worse than what you can ever be in any single thing you can imagine.

[[NE]Fobby[GEN]]

What I meant to say was; make her jealous by moving on in your life as if it does not hurt you [much]. Move on, take your time to find another woman (not a rebound, but rather someone you know you're compatible with), maybe go to the gym to take out any depression on the machines with music blasting into your ears and go for a friendly, relaxing swim right after.

Contrary to what most people think, there are much more important things than an ex girlfriend or ex wife. Especially if she was a filthy cheater, willing to ruin your life and potentially the life of your son, for some random guy.

[AsgarothXc]

If I were in your situation I know it would be harder than anything to hear those words; especially if you loved her.

Tell your son the truth about what she did and expose your son to what kind of person she really is. Live your life the best you can, and leave town. You will want a fresh start. Fall in love with another girl that you meet in a library or some where else, and don't ever think about how you used to love her back then. Make sure that your next woman knows your past though.

It is important that you have good control over yourself when she's gone because the last thing you need is suicidal thoughts. That didn't get me anywhere and it won't help you either.

E-mail me if you want to talk some more: AsgarothXc@hotmail.com

Good luck man,

-Asgaroth

[frostbyte]

I'm sorry to say this. But there are some really stupid advices in this topic.

"Shit Happens?" It's the guy's life we're talking about.. and all you could come up with was 'Shit happens' ? ..and even if it's meant in a sarcastic way , cliché ... really. Really Cliché.

Yes shit does happen, but it also doesn't. I'm a postmodernistic guy, and life REALLY doesn't devide itself into black and white segments, it's way too complex to be just that. Same goes to what she said "It's all your fault" => (cfr. see below)

Anyway there are a few replies that took my attention. Respectfully Demigan's and Asgaroth's advice..

- Demigan has a very good point.:
Focus. And think about the thing you still have, even how cynical it may seem.

- Asgaroth: Move on. Obviously it hasn't taken that much for her to move on. So the more reason for you to live your life, evolved.


I know these are some very abstract concepts, especialy coming from people who don't know you in person/ or don't share the same life you have.
But fact remains, some people here have never had something close to this. So quit giving lousy advice if you don't know how to. (no offence, but I have to be frank)

My experiance with problemes(indiscriminate from which probleme or how huge the issue is) , is no mather how good your relationship is with a friend, if that friend has never experianced the same issue you're facing with right now. It's very likely that they cannot in any way understand what you are going through. So no point in having him/her give you advice, they wouldn't know how to. Friends can be a GREAT comfort (that is if you need comfort) but if you need advice from them then you can't blaim them for not being able to understand.

Don't get me wrong, it's important to talk about your probleme, (very important actualy) the first step is accepting you HAVE an issue.
But I think it would be best (and I wouldn't be the first ofcourse) to advice you to seek out groups or individuals who DO share this similar issue you are facing right now.


- Anyway what I would like contribute is this:

See my reference (see top) => "It's all your fault"
All I have to say is that: Ofcourse it can't be all your fault, that's not possible. But that doesn't neccecarily mean that it's not
And it doesn't mean it's her fault either. (not picking your wife's side, this is coming from a neutral POV).

Maybe somewhere allong the way ,the both of you lost sight. You may have payed the bills, but perhaps you drove her away from you.

Like Asgaroth mentioned. Move on, with whatever's practicle for you (you don't need to move to another country, if you can't afford it) but whatever helps out, even the little things and details, like ur ex-wife's pictures are out of the room, getting her stuff out of your way; just to mention a few.

If it's not there, then that's one thing less to ponder about.

- The important thing is to get things DONE. You can think ALL day on what to do and what to worry about. There are always new worries. But you need to get things done. Things won't change, if you don't want them to change and ofcourse AND again if you don't get things done.


"Live big, dream small" => you may have big dreams, but they will remain ONLY dreams if you don't do anything about them. It's 'Okay' to dream - to hope - to plan.
But these concepts are just 'those' concepts if you don't live these things out.
So really a1h, live your life, do the things you want to do, enjoy life again. Revenge is a fun thing, but don't let that get in the way and 'Move on'.


Last but not least, don't let your relationship with your son, and ex wife turn out into a war about "who loves your child more" by buying more stuff -> materialistic ofcourse.
Even at a young age, kids can sence that. Don't underestimate that.
And if you're genuine enough, you'll kid will learn to accept what has happend and will appreciate you more when he gets older.